you made me more than i thought i would be.

you made me be a better Lynn Marie.

you made me see what you wanted to see.

you divided the good from the evil and i realized it.

it took a while for me to meet the needs that i had to meet.

i know i have to look past 09 and look at 2010.

its a new year it should be a new me.

not just me but Emmanuel a new born baby.

he is really the reason why i stay stress free.

he brings me joy, love, and alot of company.

i love my son and in may he will be born.

lord i thank you for all you have done for me.

lord i really appreciate the love and guidance.

and i pray that you continue to do for me and my son.

please make him the man you want him to be.

i pray for strength and the mind to do right .

in Jesus name i pray amen.

                       I just want to say I am so thankful of  having you as a mother.

Without you, your love, and your caring for me I don’t know what I would’ve done.

You molded me into the person I am today I took your teachings with me.

I used your teachings until I became a better person.

You were right I know that I have hurt you and I hate the fact that,

I made our relationship the way it is today.

When I layed my hands on you God has already made

My life short. and I can deal with him making my life short

But if I die today I don’t know if  I can live with not having a relationship

With you. you are the best thing that has ever happen to me you are blessed.

And because you are my mother I am blessed to.

There is so much pressure in my life that I can honestly say I need you.

I need you and I need all the time back with you that I lost.

Because of my stupid choices.  I pray that you will forgive me and

Try to open up to me I know these  things take time. but I need you.

I feel if  I don’t have you I don’t have anyone. that’s how I feel now.

Everyone I ran to God closed all doors for me. he guided me back to you.

Ma, I LOVE YOU! I thought I was grown well I’m not.

I thought I was tough but I’m not, not without your guidance.

Without you it doesn’t feel like anyone loves me the way you do.

I don’t have anyone out there to make sure I’m OK.  and I refuse to die without speaking to you

Or saying bye. I’m hurt  not only did I hurt you I hurt me to.

I know that I had alot of issues but half of the issues I had.

I wouldn’t got any better if I didn’t take your teachings in hand.

 Im struggling now and trying to fight my way through.

Struggling to make a sacrifice for my child.

Just like you did for me not only me but my brother.

I get upset hearing everyone talk about there mom.

Even though I have one its painful knowing why we didn’t talk.

Because it was my decision to go down the rode I went down.

That’s why I said I am reaping what I sow.

I never thought life without you would be so hard but it is.

And I’m happy that you really chose to forgive me.

I had stopped many things that I did in the past.

I asked God to open my eyes so I can see the pain that I caused you.

I was tired of  trying to be the innocent one when the whole time I was guilty.

Mama I do love you with all my heart.

I know you are still in pain I hear it every time I talk to on the phone.

I apologize for all the wrong doings in my past.

Like I said I want you to forgive me not forget it.

Now I know you try to help me not hurt me.

I pray more that I have ever prayed before.

For us to get along and start over.

I’m not a stranger to you and your not a stranger to me.

And I hate feeling that way.I noticed that every time something went wrong with me.

That was the devil throwing me off to separate me and you more.

Cause he know that the one thing I need the most is you.

And it will make him happy to see us fall further apart.

Well I just want to let you know that you are a very wonderful mother!!!.

A mother that i would always need.

You have done so much for me there are about 100 and more testimonies to tell.

You always wake me up and brighten my day Lord, your work never fails.

Yes i know i have done wrong in my past will it be wrong to ask for forgiveness.

I am human i mess up want to give up next thing you know my hand is in a fist.

I have been so depressed and deeply stressed and i think about my mama whom i miss.

I feel like my days are gonna be shorter if i don’t get it together now.

I messed up i messed up with you Lord and with my mama you give me an inch and i take a mile.

I need your help Lord, i do please help me overachieve these obstacles that seems to be in my way.

I’m asking you Lord to free my path make me over HELP ME! what more can i say.

Clear the fog, the winds, the flood, and the storm out of my life.

I’m 4 months pregnant time running out i got to make a sacrifice.

Lord i put my life in your hands work your miracles bless me and my unborn child.

Lord please i repent for my sins its a spiritual war out here i cry out.

I wish i had the help i had a couple months ago its not easy out here for me.

Only if people were in my shoes do the things i had to do and see the things i have to see.

Its sad how Satan have a hold on the people out here but he will not have a hold on me.

You are MY father and i truly believe in the almighty GOD maker of the heaven and the earth.

And i do not believe in Satan and none of his dirty work the destroyer of GOD’S heaven and earth.

I rebuke you in the name of Jesus you will not get a hold of me whether I’m strong or whether I’m weak.

whether it snows or whether its sleet cause this is 2009 Lynn Marie a brand new me.

I will not follow your path i will follow GOD’S, i will not listen to your word i will listen to GOD’S.

I will not make a left i will make a right cause that is what GOD want me to do.

I told my storm to pass I asked GOD to let me last.

I asked for a better day a better mind and my days are filled with nothing but sunshine.

And GOD that is what i told the storm.

]]> http://lynnsuniquepoetry.com/2009/11/20/i-told-the-storm/feed/ 0 http://lynnsuniquepoetry.com/2009/11/17/nightmares/ http://lynnsuniquepoetry.com/2009/11/17/nightmares/#comments Wed, 18 Nov 2009 00:35:54 +0000 Lynn Grice http://lynnsuniquepoetry.com/?p=61 Nobody likes to have nightmares, nightmares about ungodly people, people who had took away my happiness.

I was greatly defined happy until happy became anger hostile and stress.

I want to figure out why? why am i afraid? well i know why cause he stole my joy and my pride

But I gotta believe in my dreams and let my heart stride.

looking towards the future and allowing the ungodly nightmares and past tribulations die.

I have overcame alot of obstacles in my life .

Shame is no longer a game i been cut that loose with a knife.

Afraid of being raped afraid of being abused afraid of running away and always seem to loose.

Not giving myself a chance to forgive so torned by my past and nightmares that’s something i don’t want to relive.

Reliving my sorrow will really in truly affect my tomorrow.

Having GOD  by my side will always turn things around.

With GOD i will hear a gunshot with no sound.

Now tell me God is not real he will never put more on me than i can bear.

But as far as my nightmares go i am willing to overcome my fear in my nightmares.

But GOD i pray that you continue to stay in my life forever and help me to be better.

Bless my child that i carry now.

Make these nightmares go away and for now i pray that today becomes a better day.

 I feel that my heart is not healed but there leaves a bruise.

 this burden on my chest that you call love pulled me in and took my trust.

 the attempted suicide became a game.

 that the game became so real i could of had my last breath .

my cup could have ran over to the point where life will become death.

the bruise on my arm told the story better than i could .

the whips and slashes down my back burned. 

 i told the pigs that i had no memory of what happened but i lied.

i was a slave in his will restrained DOWN and tied.

every time i tried to get out he would GET ME  that was always my LUCK.

i was so angry i was in rage i was a Object a toy that he can Fuck.

so disrespected by a man i disrespected myself  so unappreciated by a man i unappreciated myself .

so unloved by man i didn’t love MYSELF!. not hI’m i loved hI’m i didn’t love ME!!!…

i had always put a man before Lynn Marie.

and he used me physically mentally and emotionally abused me.

what did i do to deserve that pain that kind of  treatment i was tortured and tormented throughout my life .

my soul MY SOUL was on fire asking GOD  to please take me out of  hell on earth.

 the part i had to play i didn’t want to play no more.

the three cuts on my left arm will always be there to remind me of how foolish i was…

the two cuts on my right leg will be there to let me know how i let a man get me down.

and the seed i carry will remain there forever to let me know how i let this disrespectful man ejaculate his manhood into my jewlry  compartment. 

 i literally tried to jump in front of a car so i wouldn’t be the one to go through it .

this was called brutal love  i was so ready for GOD  to call my name up above.

but he had other plans for me to stay I’m carrying a child of GOD now OUT  is not even a way so this made me stronger i pray i live longer.

GOD has already bless me with a man a total opposite of disrespectful.

and i LOVE this man with all my heart I’m changing from a coward to MRS. HOWARD!!!!!!!!!!!……….

so i learned not to put a man before me with the exception of THE ALMIGHTY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and lord i thank you for showing me what love is and letting me see and i definitely thank you for making Lynn Marie Grice ME…….!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!…………………

Why do i do and say the things i say.

I am human and i do make mistakes.

But only you know there is so mich my heart can take.

This pain buried a place in my heart where now it lives.

The only way it will go away if my happiness will take its place.

Everywhere i go i end up hurt am i crazy if i say GOD just take my life or let people walk all over me like im dirt.

I know im smart and i have alot going for myself.

Im trying to figure out is this for me or for somebody else.

GOD if this life is not for me then strike me dead.

Im not going to argue, fuss, or fight you just do what you think is right.

Im tired lord i cried all my tears i cant cry no more.

But i am thankful you had me a home when i was homeless i could have lived in a shelter.

Or i could have went home to home but you didnt want that for me.

But all i have to say is that i apologize and next time i will know what to do.

But when you think its my time take me up above home so i can be with you.

Each one of you are all special in your own way.

I am going to start off with D’ Lisa you are a good person and you have the potential to be anything you want to be.

You are a good peoples person and we bonded great when i first got here, when i needed to talk i came to you and you responded greatly to me.

And also i noticed how you always have a problem with the dudes you meet that have kids but its funny how you work so well with them.

Next im going to Brittany you are very smart, and funny, and you can be nice when you want to be.

We did not bond that great when i first got here and we may argue on and off  but regardless whethere you liked it or not family is family.

And while i was here i was family,  just like you dont like to be called a foster child or like to feel out of the family well, i dont like to feel like im not apart of the family either.

And you did and or said really mean and evil spirited things to me as i did to you but i was there just like you but for temporary.

You have a very fiesty attitude and it can be a good thing if you just calm it down a little bit and i suggest if you want to be adopted that you start that now.

Rashid sometimes i didnt understand you because when you first got here i didnt take the time to really have a conversation with you but, i have noticed there are some things that we all agree and disagree on.

And we all make mistakes and i know that you had some problems with some of the things that i did or the friends i have but i use to feel as if you were trying to be more of a father figure to me and i didnt like that but then again at least i felt a little bit of what me having a father feels like so thank you and take care of nicki dont hurt her even though she can be a handfull sometimes.

Grandma you are the best i love when you clean up the house i love to see you happy cause when your happy im happy but most of all i love our talks you not only listen but you give me your advice and i love taking your advice especially when its coming from some one with Wisdom.

Tylenn you are very funny and you are really cute you are going to be a very smart young man when you get older cause you are very smart now i am going to miss riding bikes with you (and maybe when you get a little older……….)lol but be good.

Ericka you are very intelligent and very talented and we all know that you are very funny it may of took a little longer for us to bond because i didnt know you as well and i didnt know what to say but it turned out for the best you are a very outgoing person and very calm and i also enjoy being in your presence you always seemed to make me happy when i was down just be a good rolemodel to tylenn and the twins.

Kurt, Tracy, Janee, Mann, Cory, and Bria I have learned alot from all of you guys i guess one to not get so mad easily and take a joke so thanks, you showed me to just chill and relax have a great time and i really had a great time.

NeNe, Jarett, and Nazia, and of course J.D all of you guys are funny and cool to be around i loved your company and you guys keep it real and open you lay what you have to say on the table i like that alot.

Now last but not least Nicole i like you alot and as you see i like your family to i really apreciate all you have done for me there are no words to describe it actually there is no words to descibe any of these incredible people all of you guys are gifted, talented ,and special to GOD, GOD is using all of you and some of you dont even noticed it.

When i first conversated with you i saw a young lady with goals and as you try to reach them you always come across something called a trial and tribulation which we all go through.

I really dont know where to start you did so much things for me i cant even count on my fingers and toes that means its alot you are one of the best foster parents in mentor and i dont care what nobody say you have alot of patience cause you could have got rid of me a long time ago but you didnt .

keep doing what your doing and GOD will continue blessing you and you already know to put him first.

I just ask to pray for me and keep me in your  thoughts if  i could stay i would but i guess its my time to go.

I have to continue my journey into Life until i go up above to my father which is home for me.

But i have respect for all of you and i ask you not to ever forget me and always know that i will be safe.

Because i have GOD in my life and he is all i need to make it through.

But i just want to say thankyou, thankyou, and thankyou for all you have done for me.

I looked at her and said whats wrong are you okay.

And she said no I’m having trouble with my anger.

I said what do you mean by that.

She said well i was very angry today then she changed it up and said I’m angry everyday.

I told her to sit down next to me on the stairway so we can finish talking about her problems cause i realized that she was very talkative.

I realized that the young girl was getting very emotional so i took her hand and squeezed it tight.

She said she was upset because her mom and dad did crack cocaine and she began to cry so i put her head against my chest.

I felt that all the young girl needed was some love and attention.

She continued to tell me about her issues then she said that she went to a psychiatrist because her social worker thought she needed it.

She told me she was depressed and that she needed more medication then i said i don’t think you need it i did see low-esteem in her.

She told me that she was getting adopted and i said you are how do you feel she said good as long as my brother come to.

I said you have a brother she replied yes i said how many she said two im the oldest.

She told me that she only knows one of them cause the other one is institutionalized.

I said WOW i felt the young girls heart by talking to her.

I saw a very bright girl with goals and dreams, a girl that will accomplish many things in life.

A girl that will stand tall through the good and the bad.

I knew there was hope by looking through her brown eyes.

I knew one day she would open doors for other people.

And now i open my eyes and i realized that the young girl was me.

For that we all know know love for us is the reason why Jesus rose.

I am in love with a very special person a person that i adore. And for him i couldn’t ask for more i gave my heart and i definitely gave him my love.

Hoping and praying that he feels the same i love everything about him when he calls me its like a angel calling my name.

I fell for him deeply i buried my heart in his hands and only GOD know i couldn’t ask for a better man.

I never felt this way before and never told a man i loved him.

Okay maybe my brothers and uncles but not beating around the bush but its something about him.

I feel that one day he is going to put a ring on my finger and ask to marry me.

And that is a wonderful thing to see.

For him i even stopped smoking cart to cart and we will stand in front of the preacher as he says “till death do us part”.

But we will see where life takes us first get married have children however that works Tony I had to tell you i  love you before my heart burst.

I want you to mold me not break me and know that I’m here for you through the good and the bad whether happy or sad through the arguments and fights to i just want you to know that i really love you.

There is so much i can thank you for i don’t know where to start.

 I figured you out you don’t want me to end up like my parents in the streets or dead.

 And through all the things i been  through the stupid choices i made that’s where my life would of lead.

 Every time i called your name you never let me down you may not have came when i wanted you to but you were always on time.

 I really want to thank you for bringing me to new york safe without your eyes watching me there is no telling where my life would’ve been.

I got a couple of weeks before 18 what should i do i know for a fact whatever plan i have you will guide me through.

Without your help, blessings, miracles i don’t think i would’ve made it.

I am your light that shines in the darkness and your candle that is lit.

I wont go out unless you put me out there is no human flesh that can touch me the way you do.

You guide and direct me whichever way that is suitable for you.

 Please keep me out of harms way and forgive me when i sin forget what people say my name is not the devil you named me Lynn.

 I just want to thank you one more time and tell you i am grateful you are my only GOD and the only GOD i serve.

Make me stronger let my past be my past GOD  i put you first and if i need to talk you will always be on my mind and forget these ungrateful people because “You

Are Always On Time”